just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
