if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
