Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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