Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
