Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
