Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
