He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he was CRYING into my vagina
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
