she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
