you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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