Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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