when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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