Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
