we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
