i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
