I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
