Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
