i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
