You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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