2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
