do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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