to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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