Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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