birth control should be required to get into college
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
