Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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