Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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