There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
