Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I need to align my fucking chakras
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
