I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
