just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
