His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
