You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
