I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
