I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
