Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
