remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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