and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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