Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
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