I cockslap morals
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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