she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
