I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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