i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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