Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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