I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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