someone threw a dead crab at me
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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