I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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