I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
