you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
