we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
