I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
