i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
