I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
