You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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