Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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