do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I will pee on everything he values.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
