Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
