I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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