I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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