last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
