i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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