Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
