Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
