I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
