clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize