She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
