she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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