I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
