Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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