If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
